Daily struggle

My days seem like they can't get worse.
I sit crying with uncontrollable fear and anger.
Sometimes I hold out longer just to see if it will all improve.
I know I dont want to be here anymore.
I often consider ways how to dispatch myself,
But I just dont want to hurt my family and friends.
It is at that point where everything is hollow,
I feel nothing.... I dont care about much now.
I try to help people by convincing them I'm ok and I guess im good at it because no one seems concerned.
I like to slice myself open again at the moment.
I wish I didnt but im ashamed to say it helps.
I wonder if people could feel how I do for a day... would they cope.
Because im truely struggling now.
I'm not sure how this will end.