Depression is the inability to find the light.
It's sounding angry or upset when your meant to be putting on a happy exterior.
It's the unbearable sadness when the people you love don't understand and think you're a burden on their lives.
It's being trapped in a vast open space, or being alone in a crowd of people.
Yes, I have depression. Its probably a shock for some and seemingly an attempt to wallow in self pity in the views of others.
I have had depression on and off for as long as I can remember.
At the moment it makes me feel vulnerable, weak and worthless. I obsess over my weight and my looks a lot. I cant leave the house without make up now and I have gone from 11st to 9.04 st in 2 months. I am terrified of what I will become in the years that are soon to pass. I am in my last year of university, I am moving out of the family home next july and will, hopefully, find a full time job to fund me.
I am going through a rough patch with my boyfriend and its stripped my confidence levels. We broke up for a few days when he started uni, and I was told it was because of my anxiety issues. It only made me worse :( I now panic over any lack of communication and become uncontrollably upset and often angry. I have faced my fears about talking about my issues and have been put on a waiting list for therapy sessions. Im sure they will help but im dreading them.
I love my boyfriend with all my heart and have always seen him as my future husband. I will try my hardest to make us work but I find that I constantly have to apologise for things. I'm not sure if it's because of my depression that I say and do the wrong things but I often question my judgement and im not sure what i should be upset over anymore.
Anyway, leaving behind my rantings. Depression isn't someone wanting attention. If someone starts to tell you about their problems, they are trusting you to potentially help them. The worst thing you can say are things such as, 'just be happy,' or 'get over it.' Its a kick in the teeth when you feel like you're doing everything you can just to make it through the day. I get these comments a lot but I try not to take them to heart as I know that people often think they are helping. Im sorry to anyone who took the time to read this but I just wanted to express my feelings.
